Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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