i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hippo gnu deer
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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