On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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