just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
