I didn't shave. On purpose
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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