If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
