Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
another moral hangover. fuck.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
