Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
