well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
