Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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