I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
