the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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