evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
