Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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