His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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