i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
