Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
