Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
