I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i now understand why vodka
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
