My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
