don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
