i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
