yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
PANTIES FOUND
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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