I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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