i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
