man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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