I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
