I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
