I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
A+ Viking dick
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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