My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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