Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
