Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
