Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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