Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
