you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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