What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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