I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
