I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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