OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
