he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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