I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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