You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
