I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I pour the whiskey from now on
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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