So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
