Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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