would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
