There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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