in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I supernannyed him into submission
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