At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
