My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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