So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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