ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
