Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
